Elena Bond/Diary

8 April,2015
Dear diary,

Today I was on one of my visits to the doctor. It just gets easier with every visit, maybe I'm getting used to the idea of being one of cancer's victims, though I should really be anxious because I guess my days are now countable. I had my treatment and went back to our coffer shop, to find my loving husband, that is no longer that "loved". I called my friend [Laura Clarke] and asked her if she was free for a catch up. It has been almost a week since I have last seen her.

9 April,2015
dear diary,

I have always known I am a lesbian, but have somehow fallen in love with Patrick. I'm pretty sure this does not make sense at all; but its maybe I cared too much about him, and found him so special. So I had the idea that oh, "he's the one." God. Is it a mistake? Mistakes like these can not be forgiven, or even forgotten.

10 April,2015
dear dairy,

And here we go again. Same routine. Same life.i went back to the coffee shop after seeing my best friend Laura and after visiting the doctor, My days are getting fewer, my life is getting shorter. I can't describe what it feels like to wait for the end of your trip, for "your end." I opened the door to enter and suddenly i saw a beautiful girl sitting in the corner, enjoying her special pepperoni pizza. I couldn't take my eyes off. My heartbeats are getting faster. It was hard to breath. I went straightly to her. She had sparkles in her eyes, and a charm in her smile. We had a short conversation, and I permitted myself to ask her for an ice-cream, in a famous candy shop in the country. And guess what? She accepted with a big pleasure :)

11 April,2015
dear diary,

I couldn't sleep last night. I was stuck inside my head, I couldn't feel. I wished that I could disappear... I am enormously in love with that girl. Holy shit! Its time. I can't handle it anymore. Patrick was getting ready to work, when I received a text message from (Lisa) :She cant come today, her mother is in hospital. I felt a little bit disappointed, but there was some good news: she's waiting for me on Thursday. My happiness didn't last too much, because Patrick suddenly asked me :"Elena! Whats wrong? You didn't sleep last night!" Oh My God. The voices inside me are so loud..I wanna scream but.. No way! Patrick is so lovable!! I can't hurt him! So I responded: "Noth..Nothing! I had a headache all night long."

12 April,2015
dear dairy,

After two days, comes the big day. I will see her in few days, and I am very excited. The dreams in my head are running and dancing, my imaginary is playing her role. What will we do, how will I act, what clothes will I wear, and things like those. But the most important is, that I'm totally ready to face Patrick. I will tell him the whole truth. Today. At 6 pm. He usually comes back home at 5:30pm, takes his shower to relax, and then picks up his dessert which waits for him on his favorite table, right inside of the kitchen. That's why, I had the idea of putting the ring that still joins us, near the cupcakes: dessert of the day. Actually, the ring is the only thing that's still in common. I'm in my world, and he's in his own. He's finally back. He's relaxed, and ready to consume all the products. HE SAW THE RING!!! First reaction: freeze at first sight, half cupcake in the hand, the other half in the mouth. Second reaction: screaming: ELENA. Third reaction: " you're kidding.. aren't you?" Fourth reaction: None. Silent moments. Fifth and last reaction: I know, and I always knew. You don't love me, do you? I hate you. I was your best toy, you don't have feelings towards me, you're the kind of girls I prefer avoiding, you..you.. I couldn't hear anymore, so I ran away, entered my room and closed the door.

13 April,2015
dear diary,Nothing. I did nothing at all. Alone in bed... I over thought my over thinking. At night, I sat by myself, talking to the moon .i divorced. the adventure began. Speechless. She's amazing, just the way she is. We spent the whole day together. It started with delicious ice-creams, and ended with a prodigious diner near the beach. I was tired of hiding my feelings! They were on fire right inside of me. I stepped forward to hug her, and then went back. I needed to look into her eyes, and tell her the truth, but I couldn't. I wanted to spend the night with her, counting the stars, but this was definitely impossible. At 11 pm, we were on our way home. We went back on foot...and Surprise! She suddenly turned and hugged me tight for few seconds. I felt like... I had butterflies. All I wanted was to scream and express how happy I was, this was the first time I passed through something like that. And then she said good-bye, and we ended the day by a kiss.

14 April,2015
dear diary, Oh Shit. That's Catastrophic. My Gossh! My daughters Jasmine and Elizabeth saw us last night. Damn it, but yeah they did!! They haven't slept yet, so they could notice every step. They saw the kiss... and I can't explain how forestry this situation sounds like. I felt like I was paralyzed for seconds... Laura! Oh yeah Laura! I need to see her as soon as possible. I went straightforward to Laura clarke's house...and, Told her about everything, including the boring moments. Laura was too close to my girls, especially to Jasmine. So she proposed if they could spend a night at hers, so she can try to explain and fix the whole catastrophe. Because, both of them refused to talk about yesterday's damage, they were refusing their mother, they were refusing Me. Everybody was refusing me. Even I, do refused myself.

15 April,2015
dear diary,

They spent the night at Laura's house, She was relaxing me by some text messages, and things were finally going right. She told them about my illness, and that the tumour was getting bigger day by day, that the stress works negatively in this affair. Jasmine accepted me, because she was mature enough to understand that we have to deal with the facts, and accept life as it is. Elizabeth was younger, so she has been through difficulties, but she finally believed Laura... And the puzzle of this issue was slowly, by and by,getting solved.

16 April,2015
dear diary,

I saw Lisa and we spent such great times. We laughed, and created memories. We talked about truths : my illness, me as a lesbian, and luckily she found out lately that's she's a lesbian too. I told her about my husband, and that the date of our divorce must be mentioned as soon as possible. In addition, I talked about a certain.. doubt! I think Patrick is hanging out with some other girls those last days. About my daughters, about Laura, about my magical attraction to her. And about what my best friend (Laura Clark) did ah ! i forgot to tell that Laura was the anonymous person whom paid my cancer treatment so lucky to have her as a friend.

17 April,2015
dear diary,

I am a cancerous woman, I am a lesbian, I'm the reason of my husband's sadness, the reason of my daughters tears. The reason of my parents worry. I've been through lots and lots of problems, and life slapped me in the face several times. But I'm still alive. And I'm Still attached to it in an incredible way! I am ready to fight till the last breath. I am strong, and tomorrow I"ll get stronger. Because I have people who support me. I have Laura, Lisa, my daughters... and I have "me." I do believe in "myself" and believe that life is a beautiful thing... ^You only live once^. But if you live it right, once is enough.

5 September,2016
dear diary,

The Day Life Decided To Take Me Away, And Throw Me Out Of This high stander World. The Day Life Got Upset Because Of My Power To Fight, And To Win.is this Day I Died...